Like it or not, it's go time.

I'm still not feeling 100%.

Out of the 4 runs this week, Monday was my best (a measly 4 miles at RP, and it still didn't feel easy). Since then, I've kinda been lumbering through everything else. I'm still feeling trashed.

Last night was 2x 1 mile amidst rain, wind, and hail. A 5:52 was into a ridiculous head wind, followed by a 5:35 while being pelted by hail! I cut the workout short and skipped my strides because it was so annoying. Not an ideal pre-marathon workout.

We're taking off in a few hours. Flying with Sarah, Jason, and Jamie. I'm heading to New York with feelings of disappointment and discouragement after chomping at the bit for the last 4 months. I know I've put in the work... way more than I have for any other race. I know I should be able to do what I'm setting out to do... But will my body let me? Have I recovered enough? ...As much preparation as I've done, as I sit here now, I'm feeling incredibly insecure and even frightened of what's to lie ahead.

It's all gonna boil down to: Can I toe that line feeling fresh on Sunday morning? Can I loosen up enough in the first couple miles to not only push the pace when needed, but merely maintain my pace in spite of headwinds and rolling hills? Can I keep my heart rate under control?!

Miles of trials and an ultimate trial of miles.

Time to focus

OK, last night's pace run went well. I can breathe a sigh of relief.

9 miles total with 4 at a goal pace. Splits were 6:10, 6:06, 6:00, 5:52. First couple miles had wind at the back, last two had a very nasty head wind. Eased into it, and then pressed a little with wind to see how I'd handle it.

It didn't feel as "easy" as I had hoped, but given the wind I shouldn't be all that discouraged. More importantly, a little tightness in the calves, otherwise I didn't hurt too badly. It may have been one of the more comfortable runs that I've had in weeks.

A month ago, I wanted to tear my teeth into some pavement. A week ago, I wanted to curl up and die. After last night, some of that confidence is coming back.

Time to focus on the actual race, as opposed to nursing my aching body.

A main concern will be the wind. I'm sure it'll change significantly between now and Sunday... Right now though, Weather.com is calling for Sunny, 38 Lo / 50 Hi, 15mph W winds. Temp is ideal; wind is definitely not!

There's good and bad here. With the layout of the course, optimal wind would be from the SW for the first 20 miles, and then we do an about-face... so NE for the last 6 miles. A Westerly wind may not be all that horrible until the last 6 miles, which still wouldn't be a direct onslaught. Also, we can only hope that it's not a nagging, steady, Chicago-style wind.

Anyway, I can only worry so much about this. I'm either gonna have it after the Bronx or I'm not. Fifth Ave is a bitch no matter what. Hopefully I'll be lucky enough to still have Ream and a few guys to work with.

In the mean time, here's a nice video of the course combined with the map:

It's always darkest before dawn.

Three weeks ago, I felt as fit as could be. The best shape in my life. Unfortunately, I'm now questioning that I may have trained to get through the training, not to toe the line.

This taper has been a killer. My legs have felt trashed for far too long now. I've compensated by taking numerous days off, living in compression socks, on ice, and on Aleve.

So not only do I feel like I'm not running enough, but I'm also eating and drinking like garbage to boot. Not good!! Maybe this has been some sort of subconscious sabotage and depression as a result of over training? When I add it all up, it seems disgusting what I've done to myself in the last few weeks. I'm officially on a serious detox and diet for the next 7 days.

On the brighter side of things, with each passing day my legs do feel better. Two out of my last 3 runs have been reasonable. As of yesterday, my calf is no longer overly tight or swelled... It's actually starting to feel human again. Today I'm walking 100% pain free for the first time in a while. Could this be a ray of hope?

Tonight's run will be a key test. Can I go 4 measly miles at race pace without feeling totally gassed, or being trashed tomorrow AM? If so, then I think game on.

There is still the possibility that I didn't over train for this thing and leave my best miles on the lakefront or in Barrington. It's always darkest before dawn, and this morning I felt the sun starting to rise.